Sex after Children….and Why You Should Be Having It!

Relationships and sex is much more complicated once you become parents than they were back in the days of PC (Pre-Children).  While we love our little ones more than life itself, raising children can really put the brakes on your sex life.  From the craziness of your schedules to the responsibility of keeping an ever-watchful eye on our kids, child rearing is sometimes quite exhausting.

Parents often say they have less of a sex drive than they did before becoming a proud daddy or loving mother.  Finding time for sex is a challenge, especially when your schedule always seems full.  After a while without it, you might forget all of sex’s benefits to your mind, body and spirit.

Perhaps you’ve seen surveys where your told…”the average couple have sex three times a week” and then guiltily think..hmm that “once a month if I’m lucky” thing is really bad I need to try harder.

Or defensively you think…..I work all day, run the kids around to football, ballet, gym, then cook, do laundry, help with homework then get the ironing done before I collapse into bed….I don’t even have time for myself…let alone time to have sex!

Basically….you’ve fallen out of the habit of having sex because to many other things become more important.

So what can you do so that you and your partner make time for sex in your schedules, even though taking care of the kids comes first?

Ok, so no one wants to sit down with their partner as say …”ok I’m free on Saturday the 14th from 7pm to 9pm how about you? ” but what you CAN do is plan a date night.

Date nights are great because you CAN plan for it and it’s something you can look forward to.  See, when we become parents we forget we are also a couple and part of being a couple is to do couple things.

A date night doesn’t even involve leaving the house, you can do it after the kids go to bed.  Here’s some ideas for a date night IN.

First off….PLAN it – commit to make yourselves available to each other that night.

Secondly – PREPARE for it – get yourself looking good and smelling great.  Take extra time on your hair, put on something sexy.  Guys, splash yourself with her favourite cologne and take the time to shave or trim your facial hair.

Lastly… SET THE ATMOSPHERE – candles work well to set the scene,  put the scented massage oil somewhere handy and play the music you both love….make sure you have included “your song” in the playlist.

Now, bring on the wine (or drink of your choosing) and make a platter of decadent things like cheese and crackers or chocolate and strawberries.  Or simply grab a tub of ice cream and feed it to each other….the main thing is to share it together.   Touch each other (and this doesn’t have to be sexual) humans love to be touched by the one they love.   Maintain eye contact whilst talking and don’t be distracted….If the phone rings…leave it…if you receive a text….don’t read it….tonight is about just the two of you.

Don’t talk about the kids…talk about each other, revisit some of the memories you have made together….smile often and laugh.  RELAX….this may not mean you have “sex” but it does mean you will begin to reconnect with each other as a couple…..and eventually doing what comes naturally” will happen 🙂

Remember when your kids grow up and leave home…the person sitting next to you is who you are left with so don’t let them become a stranger to you.



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