Ok, perhaps there is no such thing as vampires no matter how much you wish Edward from Twilight or Eric from True Blood were real but there is a vampire you may know quite well that is draining you every day of your emotions and your energy….That person is the emotional vampire.
Emotional vampires NEED you, they are experts at making you feel guilty if you aren’t there for them. Their life is one big drama which can only be fixed by you. You constantly hear of their daily battles with life, love, work, family etc. It’s a never-ending list. Often the worse thing about an emotional vampire is you may be related to them…whether it be a parent or a sibling or sometimes even a child. They exhaust you!
Some are referred to as drama queens….they will call you at all hours of the night telling you how unhappy they are (and you were just in SUCH a good mood before they called) You find yourself sighing when you look at the calling number and realise it’s them…again. You are tempted to not answer…but then you don’t want to hear “I tried to call you 20 times earlier…where were you?”
Emotional vampires relish in the victim role. Everything is about them and along with that so is control. The emotional vampire loves to control the conversation, situation and worst of all YOU! They often start sentences with “You know what you should do?” and then proceed to tell you for the next 2 hours in 75 different ways exactly what you should do!
Lastly, the emotional vampire seeks to divide and conquer…they are often threatened by others in your life. They know how to sow the seeds of doubt into your head about your own relationships and friendships. Often they will be passive aggressive in their comments saying things like “Your friend Jane seems very nice….it’s a shame no man seems interested in her….though she seems to have a lot of female friends…she’s not a lesbian is she?” Now obviously Jane is your friend and you know she’s not a lesbian but you find yourself watching her interactions with other woman and that hug you always used to give her doesn’t happen as much anymore.
So how do you rid yourself of an emotional vampire…..sometimes it’s not easy, often they suffer from low self-esteem and are easily hurt and once hurt have a tendency to lash out….probably at you! The thing you need to remember is that this person is toxic and poisons every other relationship you may have.
First…determine how important that person is in your life…if it is possible to end this relationship – remove them off from your life…..yes, it’s a hard thing to do but for the sake of your own physical and mental health you need to do it and the sooner the better. If you can’t completely remove them from your life try to limit your interactions with them as much as possible. Do not encourage them.
If they offer you advice tell them “Thanks for the advice but I really need to make this decision on my own” Be Firm and very clear about your limits and boundaries. If they are constantly telling you their problems, tell them you are genuinely sorry for their situation but hearing about it over and over again is exhausting to listen to and that they need to make their own decisions on what actions to take.
Lastly, try to surround yourself with positive, upbeat people. That way you won’t be the one who constantly feels like it’s your job to be the “fun maker”. Trying to be upbeat and positive ALL the time can be damn tiring so let others lead the way sometimes.